Dream of Angels, Walk with Demons
by DeliriousKris
Summary: Fan Fic: Willow brings Buffy back from the dead after she jumps to save her sister, but the Slayer comes back with pieces missing. She's not all there mentally and only one person can get through to her. COMPLETED
1. Is This Hell?

Fandom: BtVS

Season: 6

Timeline: Afterlife

Characters: BtVS Ensemble & Angel

**AN: **_In this version, Buffy never went up to the top of the tower. We're pretending Dawn and Spike found her wandering the streets.  
_

* * *

"Is…this hell?"

"What?"

Buffy turned to face Dawn and Spike with a pained expression, and repeated her question. "Is this hell?"

" No. Buffy, no." Dawn took a step closer to her sister. "You're here ... with me. Whatever happened to you, whatever you've been through, it's ... it's over now."

Buffy moved her arms around herself and she shook her head. "No." she turned and started wandering again. "It feels like hell." She stated "It looks like hell, but it's cold." The Slayer crouched down in the middle of the street and held her knees. "Why is it cold?"

Spike pulled his long coat off and he moved past Dawn, draping it around Buffy. "Here, I don't need it."

Buffy hesitated, then pulled the coat around her, staring at the ground.

The blonde vampire set his hands on Buffy's arms. "We need to get you inside Luv. Come on, it's not that far."

Buffy slowly looked up to Spike, then rose to her feet even slower. "Will you keep me safe?" she asked.

"Yes. I promise, nothin'll hurt you." Spike gave a small nod, looking to the Slayer's eyes. They were so vibrant and full of life before, now they seemed almost as cold and dead as his probably looked, though Spike hadn't seen his own eyes in years.

Dawn felt a few tears rolling down her cheeks and she walked to her sister. "You're safe, you're home." She told her, then hugged Buffy tightly. "I missed you so much."

* * *

_The world is so cold…but isn't this hell? I'm in a bad dream…everyone wants to hurt me…the world is closing in on me and I can't breathe._

_No…this is real._

_I woke up in a coffin…_

_Oh God…I'm dead…_

_But I'm breathing…my heart is beating…but I can't feel anything._

_I can't be alive…I have to be in Hell._

_What did I do to deserve Hell? Why am I here?_

_I dream of angels, but I walk with demons…somebody save me…I can't feel anything but pain and cold._

_But Hell is made of fire._

_Why am I freezing, frozen inside?_

_Somebody help me, please._


	2. With The Angels

Dawn finished helping Buffy get dressed and she adjusted the collar of her shirt. "There. See how nice you look now? I knew there was a pretty face under the dirt."

The Slayer looked in the mirror just past Dawn. "This is wrong. All…all wrong."

Dawn sighed and stepped back. "I know the house is different, but I-it's not _that_ different. Your room is still yours. A-"

"I'm dead." Buffy stated, then pulled the hair-tie from her hair quickly and turned away from the mirror, starting to dishevel her appearance again. "Dead people don't look pretty."

Dawn hurried to her sister and she pulled her hands down. "No, Buffy you're not dead. You're alive. I don't know how, but you are." There was a knock at the door and Dawn looked to it. "Come in…"

Spike moved inside the room. "How's she doing?"

"She doesn't believe she's alive."

Buffy slowly looked over to Spike, then her eyes darted around the room.

The vampire moved over towards the Summers sisters. "I'd imagine it's hard to believe after taking her out of a hell dimension." He responded, then reached over and gently brushed some of Buffy's hair from her face.

"This _is_ hell." Buffy retorted as she looked back to Spike. She then looked down to her clothes. "It's wrong…all wrong…I have to fix it." She stated and started again to mess herself up again.

"Buffy, Luv, stop." Spike took Buffy's hands and she let out a quick cry and jerked away. The vampire looked to her hands and noticed they were raw and daring to start bleeding any second now. "You had to dig yourself out of your grave…" he observed.

"Th-there was no air." Buffy stated, holding her arms around herself. "It was dark and cold…it's not supposed to be. Did I do something wrong?"

Spike looked to Dawn "Dawn, go get the first aid kit from the bathroom. We'll fix up your sister's hands." He stated, then looked back to the Slayer as Dawn disappeared. "You didn't do anything wrong." He told Buffy.

There was a loud noise from downstairs and Buffy jumped backwards against the wall. Spike moved out of the room and to the top of the stairs, where he saw the rest of the Scooby gang filing inside.

"She's not here…" Willow stated as she returned to the front door after quickly running around the house.

"Well where else would she go?" Anya asked.

"Look, Buffy's probably just lost." Xander said. "She could be anywhere in Sunnydale, just wandering around or confused."

Spike began down the stairs and looked to those who called themselves Buffy's friends. "_You_ brought her back?" he asked. "Well you did a bloody fine job. She's upstairs and on the edge of nutty."

"Oh Goddess…Buffy's alright?" Willow asked, starting towards the stairs. She darted up them and past Spike, then in towards Buffy's open bedroom door. "Buffy?"

Buffy cowered down in the far corner, muttering to herself.

Willow slowly moved across the room towards the Slayer. "Buffy, it's me, Willow."

Buffy looked to Willow then shook her head. "They want me back but I can't see the light. Where's the light?" she asked. "It's so dark."

The witch dropped to her knees and she threw her arms around her friend. "Buffy we found you…we brought you back."

Buffy remained where she was and looked over Willow's shoulder as Xander, Anya and Tara moved in the doorway.

Xander let out a sigh of relief and put his arm around Anya. "Good…she's home."

Buffy closed her eyes tightly. "I'll close my eyes and they can't see me. I'm safe if they can't see me." She muttered.

Willow pulled back and she looked to Buffy with a distorted expression of confusion. "Who can't see you?"

"The bad things." Buffy responded, still keeping her eyes closed. "The bad things want to hurt me. I want to go back now…I'm safe and warm back there again…nobody wants to hurt me there."

"Buffy, where is there?" Willow asked.

Buffy opened her eyes and she looked to Willow. "Let me go, please? Can I go back now?"

Willow looked back towards her friends, then to Buffy again. "But Buffy, you're home now, where else do you want to be?"

"With the angels."


	3. Finding Comfort

Buffy's eyes remained on Willow; the witch's eyes looking back in to the Slayer's.

There wasn't the same life in her eyes as there was before. Buffy's eyes no longer held the spirited soul they once did. Instead, they were silent and numb.

Willow slowly shook her head, then stood, though still keeping her eyes on Buffy. "Angels?"

"It was happy, _I_ was happy, I was safe and loved." Buffy stated, then cowered in to the corner, setting her forehead against the wall.

Willow returned to the door with her friends "Angels…l-like heaven?"

"Heaven doesn't make you crazy." Anya pointed out. "Hell might, if you're tortured enough, but she looks fine, and she said she was happy. Hell's definitely not a happy place unless you're a masochistic pyromaniac, but I don't think Buffy is either of those."

* * *

Dawn came back to Buffy's room and noticed everyone in the hallway just outside. She'd figured she's ask questions later and help fix up her sister now, so she moved past them in to the bedroom. "Spike…I-I found the first aid kit. Was buried."

Spike looked to Dawn and he met her halfway, then took the kit from her. "Thanks." The vampire then moved over to Buffy and got down in a position resembling that of a catcher from baseball. "Buffy, can I see your hands?"

Buffy slowly looked away from the wall to Spike, her eyes getting red, tears lining the bottom of her eyes. She then pulled her hands out and looked down to them. "I woke up and I couldn't breathe." She told him. "The wood was hard to break, it hurt the most."

Spike reached out and gently took one of Buffy's hands. "I know Luv."

* * *

"Well what do you want to do Willow?" Xander asked. "Giles is probably back in England by now. We should have waited until we were sure this would work." 

"We just…we need to ease her back in to this. Sh-she's probably just scared and shocked by this all." Willow shook her head.

"Well, that's great, a scared Slayer. That's just as bad as no Slayer, only now we have to baby-sit her too." Anya stated.

Tara finally stepped in "She's been scared before. Buffy might be the Slayer, but she is still only human. Who has she found comfort in before when she was afraid? Someone she connects with?"

"Well, us I thought." Xander shrugged. "Apparently not though."

Anya looked to Xander, then Tara "Her and Riley seemed pretty snuggly before he let vamps have a suck-fest on him. But who knows where he is now anyway."

"And Giles is gone. He was kinnda like a father-figure to her." Tara added.

"Angel." Willow looked up, then back to Buffy again.


	4. She Loves Him Back

Spike wrapped up Buffy's hands, and then put everything in to the first aid kit again. He looked down to the Slayer's bandaged hands, then up towards her eyes, then reached up to brush some hair from her face.

As soon as Buffy felt Spike's fingers on her face, she jumped back and pressed her cheek to the wall.

"Buffy…Luv I'm not going to hurt you." Spike told her soothingly. "I promise you, nothing will."

"Lies…lies…always lies." Buffy closed her eyes tightly. "They said it too…they told me…that…I'd be safe forever and ever…and I could watch over."

"Who?" Dawn asked, looking to Spike, then Buffy. "Who said that? A-And watch over what?"

Buffy looked up to Dawn, then back down as she pulled her knees to her chest tightly, without responding.

Spike let out a small sigh, then stood up. "C'mon. Give her some time to get used to her body again." He said, setting a hand on Dawn's arm and giving her a light push to the door, towards Willow and the gang as they spoke among themselves.

Once out of the door, Spike closed it behind him. "What did you do to her?" he asked.

"We brought her back to life…" Willow told him. "We don't know where she was. She's just…scared. Not used to this. It's not like as soon as you came back as a vampire you were fine and dandy."

"I wasn't a nut." Spike retorted.

Xander halfway rolled his eyes. "I'd like to disagree with that statement."

"Look…we have an idea." Willow explained, then looked to Tara, Anya, then to Xander. "I'll go make the call now. He'll be glad to hear Buffy's back anyhow."

Spike looked slightly confused. "Giles?"

"Angel." Willow corrected as she moved in towards her and Tara's room.

"Oh you're got to be kidding." Spike followed Willow down the hall. "You're calling up that ponce? What for?"

Willow turned around once at her door and she looked to Spike. "Do you have a better idea to keep her somewhat sane while I do some researching?"

"She's fine when she's with me." Spike stated. "I know what she went through, I can comfort her."

"Buffy doesn't connect with you Spike. She needs someone to keep her grounded."

"I can do that." Spike scoffed. "What does Captain Forehead have that I don't?"

"Well aside from a soul and some manners?" Willow asked as she took a step back in to her room. "He loves her."

Spike held out his hands "So do I."

Willow set her hand on her door to close it. "She loves him back." She replied, then closed the door to call Angel.


	5. Are You My Angel?

A few hours passed before there was a knock at the door.

'_He's here._' Willow thought as she moved to the door and opened it. "Angel."

He hadn't changed since she last saw him, but that was no surprise. He was a vampire, immortal, incapable of aging. Willow stepped aside "Come in, there's…a few things I kind of left out on the phone." She admitted.

Angel moved inside and glanced around the house before turning back towards Willow. "Is she okay?"

Willow closed the door and turned back towards the man Buffy had once called her lover. "I-I don't know." She told him. "Buffy is…she's kind of…out of it."

"What do you mean? Where is she?" Angel asked, though he didn't need to. He could feel Buffy in the house. He could always feel her.

Sure, they had both gone their separate ways and agreed to stay away from one another, but she was his soul mate and his love for her would burn in his dead heart for as long as he walked the earth.

"Upstairs." Willow answered, then moved towards the vampire. "She's not connecting with anyone and she seems, almost crazy."

Angel felt a knot in his gut and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"And…Angel…she's getting worse." Willow added in. "None of us can get through to her. Spike's upstairs with her now, but…" she trailed off and sighed. "I know you guys aren't…you know…making with the smooches and whatnot anymore, but, I thought that you might be able to ground her some."

The vampire's mouth went dry and he gave a small nod. "I'll do whatever I can to help."

Willow smiled weakly. "I knew I could count on you." She admitted, then moved to lead Angel upstairs to Buffy's bedroom.

* * *

Buffy sat in the middle of her bed, clutching a pillow tightly to her chest as Spike tried to calm her. She mumbled in to the pillow, muffling her words so Spike couldn't understand, but he ignored it.

The bleach blonde vampire looked to the door as he smelled his grand-sire. '_Well that's just perfect._' he thought.

The door opened and Spike saw Willow walk just inside the room, then step to the side. His eyes met those of Angel and he stood from the foot of Buffy's bed.

Buffy lifted her eyes to Angel and she slowly lowered the pillow from her chest and set it to the side, looking to him in awe.

Spike noticed Buffy's expression as Angel walked in to the room and he felt a pang of jealousy rush through him.

"Spike…" Willow gestured to the open door.

The blonde vampire gritted his teeth and looked back towards the Slayer he wished to call his own. "I'll be back later." He told her, though she seemed unfazed. He moved out of the room and down the hall quickly, feeling a mix of fury and envy surge through him.

Willow watched Spike move downstairs, then she looked back in to Buffy's room as Angel slowly sauntered towards the Slayer. She then closed the door and walked to the stairs as well for some researching.

* * *

"Buffy?" Angel took a seat on the edge of Buffy's bed, though sat a bit further than Spike had been sitting. 

She was still the most beautiful thing he had seen.

The Slayer remained silent, but she moved closer to Angel, gazing at him with a sort of lost look.

"Buffy?" Angel asked again.

"Are you my angel?"


	6. Better Than Anyone

Angel looked back to the Slayer, unable to find his voice. He simply shook his head and turned so he was facing Buffy.

Buffy tilted her head slightly. "No?" she asked, then looked down. "Oh."

The vampire wanted to reach out and touch her, as if to be sure she was really right in front of him. He looked down to her hands and saw they were bandaged up and Angel felt his dead heart sink. "You…clawed out of your grave…" he noticed.

Buffy returned her eyes up to Angel. "Yes. I woke up…and…it was dark." She told him, then opened her mouth to continue, but Angel cut in.

"It was dark, and small, and cold." He told her. "You had to break through the coffin, dig your way up to the surface and pull yourself up. You look back and…there's your name written on a tombstone…telling the world that you're dead."

"Exactly." Buffy nodded. "It's hell. But cold…empty spaces."

"It is cold…" Angel agreed. "I understand." He reached out and gently took her hand. "I'm even colder."

The Slayer pulled her hand back and looked down to Angel's hand, almost expecting to see ice in his hands. "Like ice…" she stated, then looked back to Angel's eyes.

"Like ice." Angel confirmed. "It's been that way for along time. I don't know what warmth is anymore." '_Aside from when I was with you__. You're the only one that's warmed my heart Buffy Summers._'

Buffy moved over to Angel, then set her head to his chest, listening for a heartbeat.

"You won't hear anything." He told her. "It's dead. I'm dead."

The blonde pulled back and looked up to Angel again. "You…you know what I feel…"

"Better than anyone." Angel nodded.

Buffy started to gather tears in her eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Never…you've never done anything wrong." Angel promised her.

"Why did they pull me out?" Buffy asked, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Pull you out of where?" Angel was almost afraid to ask.

"Heaven…where the angels are."

The souled vampire swallowed hard, then looked down. '_Of course she was in heaven. She's a hero, mankind's savior. There's no other place she deserves to be_.'

"Buffy…I'm sorry." He looked back up to her. "There's no way they could have known."

'_They should have known. But then she'd still be dead. I couldn't stand it those few months she was gone, but I don't want to be selfish. She's not my girl anymore._'

"But this is hell. I had to do something wrong. Please tell me. Can I fix it?" Buffy asked.

Angel shook his head. "I don't think so. You'd have to die again. But, please don't."

The Slayer looked to Angel confused. "You…want me to stay?"

"Yes." Angel looked down again.

Things were starting to separate themselves in her mind, fiction filtering through while fact lingered back behind. Buffy slowly moved closer to the vampire.

"Angel?" she asked, and he returned his eyes to hers. "Do…you still love me?"


	7. Puzzle Pieces

Angel's eyes darted down, then back up to Buffy's. Did he still love her? Of course he did. With every fiber of his being, with every inch of his heart and soul, but could he admit that to her?

Buffy kept her eyes on Angel, and asked again. "Do you love me?"

"Yes." He answered quietly.

"Is that why you came? Or, because someone asked you?"

"Even if Willow didn't call I would have come." Angel assured her. "To at least make sure you were okay if nothing else."

Buffy got up off of her bed. "But I'm not." She responded, moving her arms around herself. "I'm wrong…I know it. I'm missing little pieces, like a puzzle. You can never keep track of all the pieces, and parts of my puzzle are gone." The Slayer moved to her window and she looked outside.

"Then I'll help you get the pieces back." Angel offered as he turned to face her again, though her back was to him.

The blonde turned slowly and looked to Angel again. "You can't. They're lost pieces remember?"

Angel stood and slowly started towards Buffy. "Then I'll help get back as much of you as I can."

Tears finally broke through and the Slayer covered her face with her hands as she moved in the rest of the way, burying her face in Angel's chest.

Angel gently set a comforting hand to Buffy's back, the other on her arm. "It'll be alright." He assured her, then gently stroked her back a few times. "You'll be okay."

* * *

An hour later, Angel moved out of Buffy's room and headed downstairs. The whole gang was down there. Xander, Willow, Dawn, Anya, even Spike and another girl that he didn't really know, though she and Willow seemed close. 

Dawn stood up upon seeing Angel and took a few steps towards him. "I-Is she okay?"

Angel stuffed his hands on to his pockets. "Depends on your definition of 'okay'." He admitted.

"She's not crazy nuts is she?" Dawn asked.

"Not, not entirely." Angel shook his head. "I think she's salvageable."

"Is there anything we can do?" Willow asked, holding the hand of the girl Angel didn't know.

The vampire hesitated, then shook his head. "I don't think there's much any of us _can_ do. We just have to make sure she knows she's safe here."

"Well it's too bad Spike's sex-bot-Buffy got ripped to shreds." Anya stated. "We could have kept using it. Though, not for sex. For fighting."

"Anya…" Xander nudged her a little.

"Well it's true…" Anya shrugged.

Angel's eyes quickly darted over to Spike. A sex-bot-Buffy? He made a mental note to never leave Spike alone in the room with Buffy, though didn't really want to ask why he had a Buffy-sex-toy.

"I actually just came down to get some water for Buffy." Angel stated. "Maybe get her to go to sleep and relax some. You should all do the same."

Tara ran her thumb along the back of Willow's hand. "Especially you…you had a hectic night too with that spell."

Willow gave a small nod, then looked to Angel. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"The sun isn't too far from rising…if it's alright…" Angel trailed off.

"Of course." The red headed witch nodded. "There's the cot down in the basement too if you need some sleep."

"I'm not tired, but thanks." Angel looked to Spike again, and then moved in to the kitchen to get Buffy some water like he had originally planned. After filling up the glass with water and a few ice cubes, he returned upstairs and moved in to Buffy's room, where he saw her sitting on her bed, looking up at the ceiling.

Angel closed the door behind him and sat beside the Slayer on her bed. "Here's some water." he told her.

Buffy looked to Angel, then down to the glass. "Thank you." She took it and drank a little before handing it back to Angel.

"You're welcome." He took the glass, then reached over and set it on her nightstand. "You should try and get some rest." He suggested.

Buffy shook her head. "I can't."

"Why not?"

Buffy moved her eyes to Angel's again. "I'll wake up in the dark box again."

"You won't." Angel shook his head. "I'll stay with you and keep you safe."

The Slayer seemed hesitant at first, but she finally moved back and got under her covers and set her head to the pillows.

Angel got up and walked towards her windowsill to close the curtains. He then sat down and looked over to Buffy, the same as he had done back when they were together.

Buffy looked to Angel. "What are you doing?"

"I'm watching you, like I promised."

"No…" she shook her head, then moved over. "Here…please?"

Angel nodded, then got up and moved to the bed with her. He sat down and took his boots off before lying beside the Slayer.

Buffy moved up to Angel's chest and closed her eyes slowly.

He could feel her muscles relax as she got close and it reminded him of when they had slept in the same bed before, though they were together then. Now he was only helping her get her pieces back together.

No romance.


	8. Life Addiction

When Buffy woke, she felt Angel's fingers running up and down along the side of her arm gently. She kept her eyes closed, feeling truly alive for the first time since she had come back from the dead.

'_He loves me. He makes me feel whole. Like I'm really alive again._'

Buffy opened her eyes and looked down a little, noticing that Angel had slid one arm underneath her, hand resting on her back, while his other hand gently stroked her arm.

"See?"

She heard his voice and looked up.

"You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you." Angel told her, noticing Buffy had woken up.

She had been turning and mumbling in her sleep as though she was having a bad dream, so Angel had moved his arms around her and she seemed to calm down, so he left her there in his arms.

'_Right where you belong._'

"Thank you." Buffy adjusted her head on the pillows.

"You don't need to thank me." Angel shook his head and looked down to the Slayer, starting to move his arms away now that she was awake.

Buffy quickly grabbed Angel's upper arm. "No don't." she protested, holding on to his arm rather tightly. "Don't let go." She begged.

Angel swallowed hard, then replaced his arms around the petite blonde. "Okay." She didn't have to tell him twice to keep holding on, he'd hold her for as long as he could if she let him.

The Slayer moved in, sliding her hand up Angel's arm to the back of his shoulder as she set her head on his chest.

She knew what they were, what they had been, who he was and who she was, and why they could never be.

She knew who her friends were, and who her enemies were, and why she died, but she didn't know why she was back.

She understood everything, except why she had come back.

Was this how Angel felt when he had come back after she had sent him to Hell? Disoriented? Confused?

But she had been in heaven, the place for the saints, not sinners.

So why did everything feel so wrong? Why did she still feel so dead inside?

She felt Angel's hand as it ran up along her back, then return down again and her thoughts seemed to melt and drip away like ice cream on a hot summer's day.

"How do you do that?" she asked him, moving her head from his chest.

"Do what?"

"Make my train of thought stop…" Buffy started, then trailed her eyes down to Angel's lips. "Make…" she remembered the taste and feeling of his lips and started to tilt her head up and lean in towards him. "Make me feel." She closed her eyes and moved in the rest of the way.

Angel noticed Buffy slowly inching towards him and felt drawn towards her. He moved a hand up and set it on her jaw as she spoke her last few words, meeting her lips gently and briefly at first, then pulled back.

The Slayer hesitated slightly before sliding her hand up further on Angel's shoulder. She closed the gap between then once more, catching Angel's lips for a second time, only more intimately this time.

In some strange, ironic way, Buffy was able to find liveliness in herself by using Angel's cold, dead kiss. She kissed him and felt truly alive. Felt her heart beating and her blood flowing. She felt emotion and warmth and love.

She found life, and she was instantly hooked.

Buffy pulled herself up closer to Angel and kissed him with a bit more fire.

Of course Angel couldn't turn her down, but he restrained himself – with much struggle – and fought the urge to go further with Buffy. Not only would he lose his soul if they ended up going too far, but he felt already as though he was taking advantage of her in her weakened state.

He slid his hand down to the small of her back and pulled her against him, then quickly pulled back and let go of her. "Buffy I…"

"No…don't stop." Buffy held on to him tighter and pulled in close again. "Kiss me."

"I want to. So much. But we can't do this. Not only will I lose my soul when we go spinning out of control, but you're unstable right now. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you." Angel explained.

"You're not. I want to too…" Buffy protested.

"Buf-"

"Angel I feel alive when I'm with you." She interrupted. "I don't want that to go away."

The vampire moved away from Buffy and got up from the bed. "You don't know what you're asking for. We'll find another way for you to feel alive again, but not like this. It's too dangerous."

Buffy sat up "But I don't want another way." She told him. "I want you."


	9. The One In All The World

It was a good thing Angel didn't need to breathe, because at that moment, he knew he wouldn't have been able to. "You don't know what you want." He managed to choke out.

"I do." Buffy protested, then got off of her bed. "I feel…good and whole when I'm with you." She stated.

"Buffy…" Angel shook his head lightly and took a step back as she moved closer. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with her, he just didn't trust himself, and she obviously wasn't capable of restraining herself, so it would be up to him. "You're obviously not all here. You know what'll happen when I lose my soul. People will die. Possibly even you."

Buffy stood still and lowered her shoulders. "Better than being trapped here anymore. _Anything_ is better than this."

Angel felt his features soften and his jaw fell slightly. "Don't say that." He gently shook his head.

"Like you haven't thought it before. It's easier, there's no pain…" she listed.

The vampire shook his head. "People need you. Your friends need you."

"They don't need _me_." Buffy turned and moved her arms around herself. "They need the Slayer. They need the fighter to keep them safe from the bad guys. They don't need _me_."

"They do need you. What about Dawn? Your mother died, and then you jumped so Dawn wouldn't. She needs you. You're her sister."

"She needs someone to protect her." Buffy shook her head. "They wanted the Slayer, the fighter and protector. What's Buffy anyway? Just…a cover. A secret identity. I don't exist. I'm a Slayer, that's all. It's all I ever was, since I was 15. Show me someone who really cares and wants Buffy. So far everyone just wants the Slayer."

"Me." Angel moved his eyes up from the ground to her emerald ones. "I'm not ready for you to be gone yet. I didn't fall in love with the Slayer. I fell for you, before you got pulled in to this world. If you can't believe that your friends want you here, then believe that I do."

Buffy looked back to Angel again and held herself tighter.

"I know it's hard, and I know it seems easier just to give up because nobody really cares, but that's not true." Angel assured her. "I care about _you_, Buffy. I always have, and I always will."

The Slayer slowly loosened her grip on herself and her shoulders dropped down. "You do?"

Angel nodded and moved towards Buffy again. "I do." He confirmed. "You're the reason I keep fighting." He told her. "Every demon I kill is one less I have to worry about going after you. Every time I stop the world from ending, it means you get to keep on living. I love you, Buffy Summers, and I'm not ready for you to die."

A small smile crept over Buffy's lips and her eyes seemed to lighten up. "Thank you. It means a lot to me that you said that."

"I didn't just say it." Angel noticed Buffy's smile and wanted to show one as well, though he didn't. "I meant it. Every word."

Buffy moved close to Angel and slid her arms around him. "Is this pushing my boundaries?"

Angel moved his arms around the Slayer and gently rubbed her back. "Not at all." He kissed the side of her head, then set his chin on top of her head. "You're perfect."


	10. I Can Live With That

Though Buffy didn't want to believe Angel, he was right.

Dawn shouldn't grow up alone. She needed a sister. Willow and Xander had been her friends before they really knew about her being the Slayer, and Giles had been more of a father to her than Hank Summers had.

They needed Buffy. The Slayer was just something nice to have on the side.

She wished Angel could stay, but he had made it clear that he couldn't. It was for the best anyway, because though she was getting to be mentally stable, she was an emotional wreck and couldn't trust herself around Angel at the moment.

She didn't feel completely alive and wanted to desperately. Buffy knew also that Angel didn't feel alive – though mostly because he _wasn't_ alive – and he wanted to feel as well. Not only that, but if they gave in to what they wanted, Buffy would be even more of a wreck because Angel would lose his soul and go off on another killing rampage.

By the time the sun set again, Angel was sure that his Slayer was going to be fine as long as she took it easy. He took that as his cue to leave.

* * *

Buffy stood with Angel out on the porch of her house, arms crossed tightly across her chest. "So, I guess this is goodbye?" 

"I wouldn't say goodbye." Angel shook his head as he looked down to the petite blonde. "It sounds too final."

The Slayer gave a small nod in understanding. "When will I see you again?"

Angel let out a soft sigh. "I don't know. I'm needed in LA and you're needed here. Hopefully soon though."

"Yeah." Buffy held herself tighter, less because of the cold and more because of the fact that she was going to be alone again. "Soon."

Angel would have reached out and pulled her in for a kiss, but he knew that would make their parting much harder. It already hurt to know he was leaving her again, especially when she was in such a time of need, but there was no way he could trust himself around her, especially when she was already so vulnerable. Not that he felt any better leaving her in the same town as Spike, but he really didn't have too much of a choice on the matter.

'_If I hear he even touches you, I'll kill him._'

"Don't hesitate to call if you need me." Angel told her. "Even if it's just to talk and have someone listen. Call me."

Buffy nodded. "I will." She assured him, then glanced to his car parked along the curb in front of her house before returning her gaze to Angel's old, dark eyes. "I promise."

Angel took a step backwards off of the first stair. "Good."

The Slayer moved to Angel, uncrossing her arms as she walked, then wrapped them around Angel's neck in an embrace.

The vampire set his hand on her back, then waited a moment before moving his arms around her in return.

"Thank you." Buffy said rather quietly. "For everything."

"You're welcome." Angel replied, though he didn't feel like he did anything to help. Even just holding her made him want to stay, but he knew he couldn't, so he loosened his grip on her until his hands were gently resting on her sides.

Buffy took the hint and let go of Angel. "Be careful in LA."

Angel removed his hands from the Slayer entirely and nodded. "Be careful here in Sunnydale."

"I will." She took a step back towards her house, then turned to go inside, not telling him goodbye on purpose.

Angel looked down, then turned and moved off the last couple stairs to head to his car.

Buffy touched the doorknob of the front door, then turned back to Angel again. "Angel."

He heard her and turned, halfway to his car at that moment.

Buffy gripped the doorknob and swallowed a lump in her throat as Angel turned to look at her. "I still love you." She told him.

A faint smile touched Angel's lips for once. "And I'll always love you." He replied before turning and moving to his car to head back home.

She let out a sigh, then turned to the house again and moved inside, not wanting to watch Angel leave again.

'_Maybe someday soon we'll learn to live without the temptations. Until then though, I am okay just knowing that he loves me. I can live with that._'

**- END -**


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